What am I getting at?
I came in to talk to this psychologist about a very personal issue with my child. Since it was impromptu, and I did not have time to plan what I was going to say, I ended up getting overwhelmed by trying to express my concerns. I ended up rambling, and getting overly emotional for some thing that should have been very direct for a neurological person. I was feeling plethora of emotions: nervousness, doubt, fear, anger, sadness, hope, awkwardness. I was bringing in a lot of visual cues: how much taller I was then the psychologist, everything about his appearance, the school around me, the color of the walls, all of the decorations, all of the specks on the floor, the secretary next to me, everything that was on the secretaries desk, the ceiling, trees, moving in the wind outside, people walking in the hallway, different colors, shapes. I was taking in a lot of auditory stimulus: how my voice sounded when I was talking to the therapist, the sound of my backpack, my clothes, my shoes, his clothes, his shoes, his accessories, clicking, the clicking of the keyboard of the secretary, the phone ringing, people talking, the sound of cars outside the school, the sound of the wind, the trees, kids, the fluorescent lighting, etc. I was tasting and smelling the environment around me, and the taste of my own mouth, which triggered more thoughts and feelings, it was my breath bad, did I remember to put deodorant on? Oh good I did. It was it strong enough? Oh no if it’s not strong enough, do I smell? Am I sweating through my shirt?
I was feeling everything around me: wow, I’m so much taller than him, oh I am slouching because he is so short, oh my arms are folded around my chest, is he going to see that in a negative way? Should I stand up straight and stand with authority? Oh no, I’m sorry to cry. Oh no I commented on getting emotional. Oh shoot, I’m unraveling . Oh I guarantee he is not going to take me seriously. Oh shoot did I just make things better or worse by talking to him? I shouldn’t have done this. No it was good that I did this because now this information is passed along to someone who will help my child out. Oh, but what if he doesn’t see it for what I try to express? Did I express it in a correct way? Did I make the problem worse?
OK. Do you understand what I mean now? These were all the thoughts and feelings that were going on in my head in about a one minute or less period, and these were just the thoughts and feelings that I was aware of. Imagine the hundreds of other things that I was feeling in my subconscious.
If these were all my thoughts and feelings, you can probably understand what I mean by word vomit. If this is what I was feeling, imagine what I was actually expressing verbally.
To summit all up, those of us with ADHD think, feel, and act in an elevated way. Compile all of the things that we say and do and edit, edit, edit. This will bring you to the core of what we are actually trying to express. We would do it on our own if we could, but it takes a lot of practice and a lot of coaching to be able to do this and many of us , don’t even know that we are expressing more information than the receiver needs.
For those of us with ADHD, and even those with autism might benefit from this, let me know, when going into a potentially stressful, stimulating conversation, what is the most basic thing that the receiver needs to know? Not all of the information but a one line, most basic Thing?
What has helped me with impulsive blurting out is bringing a notebook and pen with me. When in meetings, I am able to jot down all the thoughts brewing in my head. I circled the words that are the most important to compile the sentence I am going to make. that way when I talk it’s not a whole bunch of rambling that a Neuro typical will not be able to decipher in a logical way, it is straightforward. Basic information in one sentence. Is painfully difficult, but wonderfully stressful. I wish that I had done this before going into that impromptu meeting. It wasn’t even a meeting. It was running into the Psycologist in the hallway on the way to meet the teacher. But if I had written my concerns down before hand circled the vital information and wrote down a single sentence that I could then repeat to the receiver, I and my message, would have been received more favorably.
Give it a try and tell me what you think!